Tsukiko's Blog

Where does the endless rain cloud in my mind really wander to?



In love cherry motion, choerry travels twice, she goes from earth with 1/3 to the forest of portals to oec. Yeojin is still with haseul at that point, but it is revealed that she later gets lost in a forest.


Yeojin is in the forest because she also traveled like choerry, knowing choerry was once quitained with members of the earth, 1/3. Yeojin, however,  was not brought to a new destination like choerry was. I can speculate that this has something to do with haseul's events of let me in and how the butterfly effect may have caused yeojin's situation. 


Yeojin's title track kiss later, is important to the yyxy story, of how the three kisses of yyx had left Olivia to eventually be stranded in the forest. Also note that yyxy logo looks like the framework of what could be a rose when the points are connected. Without the third y, Olivia, in the depicted yyxy bond, the bond is incomplete. Meaning something wrong had occurred due to the butterfly effect. Gowon may have been aware of this, which is why she turns back to see why Olivia had not loved herself enough to have joined them. Yeojin's song, "kiss later" may have been hinting at an omen that the 3 kisses that had occurred in love4eva should have occurred at a different time, since they actually needed 4 kisses to succeed at a balanced love. 


Kiss later is an important omen since in the video, yeojin was pursued by what we understand to be the frog prince. Until she was confident enough to kiss the frog, she would not admit to love. This can be particular to yyxy since 1/3 is parallel. Olivia did not love herself yet, as well as haseul and yeojin, who are considerably together as one. Haseul did not love herself, nor did yeojin. Haseul's lack of confidence in herself may have been the reason she shot the idea of a more beautiful self (the dove). Knowing this, we now see a flaw in the series of events. And why gowon is going through lengths to fix this event from 1/3, (earth). Gowon, who is in yyxy. Yyxy was confirmed to be the group above the earth and space, and gowon who is the X who can change direction. 


Let's note that hi high is part of ++. Gowon changes its direction to that of ××. Knowing this, assume yy×y is also going to change direction. Now, it looks like yy+y. Gowon was meant to encourage Olivia to join the rest of yy×y in love4eva. But did not occur, since she was in the wrong direction. Therefore, she had to change something to be in the right direction. 


The change is needed, because there is an imbalance in love within the 3 spaces. Earth, space, and above. Think of the members and how 12 of them exist. 5 in 1/3 (earth), 3 in oec (space), and 4 yyxy ("heaven"). 

There should be 4 in each group, in order to create a balance. There appeared to be 4 in 1/3 with love and live, but there was actually 5 members on earth, with yeojin being the presence that could not be seen. 


Knowing yeojin is trapped in the forest, she is most likely potentially trapped in the forest that choerry had woken up in, when she first ate the cherry in love cherry motion. Knowing this, yeojin's role was meant to join oec (space), but had gotten lost in the world between. The world between would be the mobius strip, which means that yeojin in the forest is actually yeojin in the midst of the mobius strip. 


Now that it has been clarified, let's assume yeojin's journey to oec was most likely interfered by haseul and the events of let me in. This idea should be that insecurity about loving oneself can lead to an imbalance in love itself, and therefore cannot be achieved with insecurity. Loona's goal will be to find a balance, a harmony, in order to achieve a "perfect love"

Things I want to update about myself


Name: Yan (얌)

DOB: 12081999

Hobbies: finding new music, drawing, discovering interests, being with friends

Favorite animal: Otters and Bears

Favorite Color: Green 

Favorite Scent: floral citrus 

Favorite games: story of seasons, bravely series

Favorite food: cheesy foods + tomatoes

Favorite place: starry views 

Favorite aspect of self: my insecurities

Things I hate: asparagus, artichokes, and extremely confrontational people

Favorite item: my sketchbook with watercolor works


As of right now, I am not happy, but I am content, this feeling is the best thing I can feel. Happiness is temporary, but to feel content is more wholesome. I get to remind myself that with this content feeling of mine, that everything is so much better than when life was crumbling to pieces. Being content is so much better than the happiness that visits me like a one day vacation in a 365 day year. I'm happy to feel content, I've never been so glad to feel this average state of life. I hope there will be many more days of content in my future. 


I often feel like these feelings of mine should not be as powerful as they are. But yet, I feed them the immense amounts of power as if they were snacks. I feel like i'm never doing enough, and yet when I do something, it's never validated. Its never validated due to its normality but, I thought it was everyone's dream to be normal?

I'm not eccentric enough, i'm not hardworking enough, and i'm not creative enough. I'm stuck in a casket with no texture no color no flavors no sound. I have no sense in what I should be nor do I feel like I should even be around. I'm never enough, not even enough to be around. 

I never seem to accomplish what i'd like, and I never seem to reach my goals, I never seem to do well enough for anybody to know. 

I don't know when nor would I even know how, to stop the stammering voices around me. Telling me to take charge and do it, when my body won't even let me. 

I feel trapped and hopeless, like everything I must do isn't enough, the list gets longer just for me to finally realize, I'll never be enough, not enough for anyone, not enough for the world, and definitely not enough for myself.