Monday chrome
Although days such as these aren't bad, they seem to be the days I forget the easiest. Days where I smile, laugh, have little abstract moments that, if I thought too much about it, I would question the overall existence which is my own self. All days such as these, feel like Mondays.
Not Tuesday
Not Wednesday
Not Thursday
DEFINITELY not Friday
But the simple days we know as Mondays.
Not spectacular
Not horrible
Not memorable
The simple days of Mondays.
I don't know what overcomes me on days like this, maybe the sky or the routine ground that feels stale. I don't know what it is, but Mondays just aren't significant. On days such as these, I often feel nothing in my existence, I simply live just to go through days like Mondays, I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I just know, days like Mondays, aren't meant for me.
Hidden eyes
Deception is an art, not an action
With so little eyes watching me, always complaining on here, I like admitting to my peace of mind, my existence which often grows tired. I wouldn't feel pressured to finish the stories I can't think of an ending to. Nothing is expected of me, no deadlines, no disappointments to others, my heart grows weary, at the possibility of hidden eyes crossing my deepest emotions through a mere scroll, but that's ok. Only I will understand the true severity of the emotions within me. Such as a secret, I wouldn't dare tell such things to another's face, to burden them. A burden to oneself does not get lightened by another's comfort, but by the understanding of another's pain and realizing you are not the only one carrying such heavy weights. Knowing that one is not alone, always lowers the pressure of one's who believe they carry the world on their own shoulders. Such loneliness, must be beared, but upon the sights of another, you realize, the hidden eyes who've seen my pain, happens to carry the same pain. A pain that is not carried by just one, but by so many more, so many possible hidden eyes that cross the scene. A hidden spectacle, some call those eyes god, some call those eyes their lover. But to me, such spectacles can only be my own eyes, watching others beside me, such things, not even a god can do. In such realizations, I consider who I may be hidden eyes to, and who may be hidden eyes to me. In that way, sight is almighty and powerful, a granted ability for emotion. If hidden eyes come across this, you're not alone, for I am here too.
마음에
A fickle place in where your true self lies.
These days, my heart has a harder time dealing with the emotions of others. I sometimes believe it is the own will of my selfishness at work, but at times, I truly cannot connect my heart to a situation. With such a weak and fickle heart, I often wonder how I can find my true self. Such a hollow place, feeling like a mansion in where I wander endlessly trying to find myself. I am a soul looking for a treasure in which I've hidden in my own home. A treasure in which I've forgotten the location of where I've put it. Such an important existence, an important part of me, yet I can't find the treasure which is my true self.
When one... finds their true self, I truly believe that they have found the treasure of their lives. Which is why I persist to ask myself, where is this great treasure of my own in which I've lost? Such an important existence, merely lost as if they were a pair of keys. Something so trivial, but so important, the fickle heart, is very much like it.
I'm not sure why I am writing of the heart, but I don't feel like my true self, I'm lost in a mansion which is hollow like my heart, but like the blood that flows through, I'm always overwhelmed, tried. How does such things happen? How does one.... find their own hidden treasure?
To Hansol Chwe 021817
You, who is now a year older, is also now so much greater as time grows.
To the boy who is now a year older,
You've grown so much in front of the thousands of people who admire you from afar, a person who brings smiles and laughter to those who lay their eyes on you, Hansol, you're truly amazing in every aspect I can see you in. You're so hardworking and loving to those around you, and knowing someone like you has gone so far, makes me incredibly warm inside. I hope that as you turn a year older on a beautiful day like this, that you will share more happy memories with the members of Seventeen, your family, and hopefully, the carats that will always love and support you in what you do. I've met so many people that have an undying amount of love for you, and being able to wake up everyday and see and share the same emotions with other people, is something I really enjoy. But none of it could've been possible if it weren't for you. You may not know this but, I believe that you taking the first step in working hard to be an idol, truly brought more friendships together than you think, and I'm really grateful for it when I see it. I'm so eternally happy and grateful for your existence, purely knowing that you could be smiling somewhere under the same sky as mine, brings warmth and happiness to my life. I personally love your smile for all it could possibly stand for. Whether a member has told you a funny joke, or you, yourself might have done something goofy, seeing you smile brings a smile to many other faces too, and hopefully, you will always get to be happy in such a way.
To Hansol Chwe, who is a year older,
You are so amazing in every aspect I can see you in, and there aren't enough beautiful words in the dictionary to describe that amazing-ness of yours. To the way your nose scrunches up from being really happy, to the times where you're simply eating with the members, all of it is a heartwarming emotion that is spread to others, including me. The times you are talking with fans, to the times you show concern for them, I think it's all so beautiful and thoughtful of you to have a big enough heart, for all of us that admire and love you from afar. I'm not as good with words as others may be, but I hope that you, Hansol, who is now a year older, know that I really love you for all that you live for, and that I hope you will always be happy and living life to its fullest!
-Your average carat, Yan.
