Tsukiko's Blog

Where does the endless rain cloud in my mind really wander to?

Sometimes There's No Time to Cry

Lately, I feel empty, but it's not from people not being there in my life. I feel like there's nothing. Not loneliness, just plain space.


Is it weird I am suddenly feeling this way, this path that makes me question my existence? Almost everything I've been doing feels like it's pointless. Slowly... My senses are being told off as something weak an unneeded.

Hearing: I feel like everything that comes from my mouth needs to be corrected by someone

I will speak words, and people will always correct what I say or tell me it's wrong to say things like so. I feel stupid for talking in the end and im not sure how to stop talking to not annoy the sea of people around me. How do I keep my mouth shut forever?

Sight: I see things that I feel are becoming more and more bland each day, when it used to be filled with so much more color before.

I'll see people living their listless lives, happily, stupidly, making clumsy mistakes like usual, yet I feel it going into monochrome, it's not bright and happy like before, it seems so much more... Dead to me. What is causing my color blindness?

Taste:  One day, I eat like there's tomorrow, yet in the next, I will eat only a chip or two, and a box of liquid...

My urge to eat, dies... I can't find anything I like enjoyable to devour anymore. I will skip dinner or sleep for so long, I wake up when all the food is gone, and everyone will suspect I have eaten. When will I be able to feed this empty feeling in my body?

Touch:  The things I carry, everyday, I'm not sure if im getting weaker, or if it's getting heavier on it's own.

Carrying books, Changing clothes, its suddenly gotten so much heavier a task to carry around. I can't seem to tell if im becoming weak from everything or if everything is getting heavier on me, like a block of lead. Why can't I get rid of this weight bringing me down?

Smell: There's a weird scent in the air, I can't tell what it is, but it makes me saddened and unsure of myself everytime I pass by the scent.

I will smell one thing, but suddenly it disappears and turns into a completely different scent... I somehow get sad from these scents, fruity scents, girly perfumes... I am unsure of where they originate from. But it makes me sad, while my companions make me feel like im being delusional. Where is the sad scents really originating from?

I am slowly unsure of my existence, but again, i'm slowly losing my senses with this unsure feeling. I am slowly becoming trapped, by a force greater than myself... I feel like, humanity is beoming so much stronger as it over powers how I get to think, see, hear, anything and everything... Who is possibly the cause of all this doubt in my mind? Even now, I am still so, so... unsure......