Tsukiko's Blog

Where does the endless rain cloud in my mind really wander to?

Where Do I Go..


I feel lost, like, something undescrible in my chest is constantly pounding my insides. I've made a resolution to stay positive this school year, and I feel like i'm in a black hole trying to find pieces of light. I want to leave my friends, I feel like everything I say is just a michellaneous thing, while my other friend says the same thing, and gets spontaneous energetic comments. I feel useless and unimportant. But I have nowhere to go either... Where is there to even go? If I left my friends I would end up feeling desolate loneliness, which just happens to be my one weakness, unless it's spiders, i'm scared of those too. I'm not allowed to move anymore, i'm not sure how to make new friends. Especially when every word you say to someone seems to upset them. Seeing that makes me extra timid. Makes me scared to walk to class. I don't know why i've been posting here so much more lately, I just feel heavy, and it doesn't matter who I tell anymore, it won't get any lighter. I feel like i'm being isolated. I feel alone even with all these people around me. I'm scared of being alone yet i'm sad because of it at the same time. I don't know where to go, where to start, where to end. I'm really feeling hopeless and I want to keep my mouth shut and not bother anyone. Yet I feel like even if I speak a morsel, i'm bothering someone... What do I do? I don't want to bother people anymore. I don't want to be annoying, yet I am. I'm scared of being alone, and yet I already feel alone... There's a heavy weight hanging in my chest, and it won't subside. I don't have anywhere to go, and I feel like i'm out of options. I honestly just feel like nobody cares, and I don't know how to handle it.