Tsukiko's Blog

Where does the endless rain cloud in my mind really wander to?



Everyday is like an eternal struggle. I sigh to get past a mere 24 hours, and it repeats itself over and over again. 

Everyday, I struggle to walk through the halls, through the hundreds of people whose faces I won't remember in a month. 

I struggle, looking occasionally, at the man who had twisted my emotions to the point where my stomach turns in pain at the sight of him. 

I struggle to move on from the fact that I have been heartbroken. Even though I'm ready to face others, I'm no longer desirable, and that already frightens me. 

What do I do? When nobody wants me, and I feel unwanted. I want to disappear, yet I know it would be foolish to do so. 

What do I do? When I want to meet someone who is just kind, regardless of appearance, regardless of past. Just kind and humble, that's all I search for. 

What do I do? Since all the kind and humble are far, and the travel seems endless down this path that is unclear of direction?

I feel like I'm floating. Floating to some unknown location where my feelings will wither to nothing. Where I, will have no choice but to wither into nothing.

I can only hope that I arrive in a delightful destination. But I'm tired of hoping, I'm always hoping but it takes me nowhere. Even when I take the steps myself, I end up walking giant circles, with no real improvement. 

Where will I end up? At square one again? At a place where I have no choice but to wither away and become lifeless? When will I be able to see some light at the end of the path. I'm tired of hoping, walking aimlessly, waiting aimlessly. I want a chance to move on, but why can't I seem to get anywhere?